Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
