community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
