A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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