He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
