FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
