I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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