it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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