he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
