I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
worst night to have a conscience
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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