come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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