i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
