Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This baby is an asshole
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
