we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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