I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
