I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tell your sister to shave her snatch
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
