Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
