i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
