no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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