happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
