Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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