Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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