I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
