I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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