You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
