my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
