i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
