new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
