So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
