Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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