Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
