you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's like heaven, but drunker
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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