Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
