she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
