First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
