Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
