Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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