Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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