you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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