My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
