she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
