well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
