I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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