i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
