thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
