so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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