summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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