Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In other news, I just burned my penis
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
