gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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