I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
