My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
