Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
