I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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