Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
