hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
